you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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