Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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