i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
