I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
