how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
