ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
