oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
