There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
