Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
