so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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