Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
