I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
