Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
