Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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