i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
