Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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