I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
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Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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