Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
