I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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