I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
