DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
