This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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