he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
