I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
