i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
