I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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