So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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