just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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