I will die if light touches me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We had to coat check the pizza.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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