My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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