I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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