Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
NoShamevember. You game?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
