Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
