I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
