apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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