"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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