are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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