I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
pray to the hookup gods
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
