she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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