I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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