yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
