foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
