I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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