How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I need moral support for this bender
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
