Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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