i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
