i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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