his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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