ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
