Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
