You don't have asthma, your pregnant
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
