Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
