I'm gonna have a badass scar
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
