apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
