so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
