Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
