Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Randomize
