it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
