Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just cropdusted the office
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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