Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
