I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Randomize
