I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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