tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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