he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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