i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
