Betty ford says i'm here all night
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
