it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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